Adventures of a Twin Mommy

Echoes

2012-01-13T05:42:00.000-08:00

This morning, Nathan was walking around the house with his eyes closed, clicking his tongue.

After a few minutes, I finally asked, "What are you doing?"

He replied, "I'm trying to use echo-location to find my way around. But it's not working because nothing is echoing."

I take it they're learning about bats this week...

Looking Good

2011-10-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

I took the boys the eye doctor a few weeks ago to update their prescriptions, and it turned out the Jack needed new frames to replace his beloved red glasses. He picked out a pair in blue with a white stripe on the side - very stylish. Last week, they arrived, and he was ready to wear them to school for the first time.

I asked him what his classmates would do, since he wouldn't be wearing his trademark red glasses.

His reply, "Well, all the girls will probably pass out, because I look so good."

(Stunned silence from me.)

We never claimed to have any confidence issues in this house. Ahem.

And really, let's be honest - they do look that good... I think we'll be fighting the girls off with a stick very soon.

Dance Moves

2011-08-15T03:25:00.000-07:00

The boys are excited about their uncle's upcoming-wedding. I told them there might some cute girls there for them to dance with.

Jack replied, "Yeah, I need to learn how to spin on my head real quick!"

Yes, Jack, that really impresses the girls...

Tonsil Drama

2011-07-12T07:04:00.000-07:00

So the boys finally had their tonsils taken out - and adenoids - and tubes put in their ears. This was a surgery we had originally scheduled back in March, but we couldn't keep the boys healthy enough to actually make it to the surgery. So we rescheduled for the summer.

Part of the original draw for the boys was that they would be out of school for the recovery - so doing it during the summer didn't appeal to them much. But we talked them up with unlimited popsicles, ice cream, and new video games.

The morning of the surgery started very early - up at 5:30am for us parentals, then rolling the boys out of bed at 6:15am. We were glad it was early though. They boys couldn't eat or drink anything until after surgery, so this worked best for us.

We had a smooth check-in at the surgery center, and then the boys got prepped for the surgery.

After the surgery, the boys took awhile to wake up, and Nathan seemed worse off than Jack. They were not happy about the state they found themselves in. Not happy at all. Sigh. It's so hard as a mom to just know you can't do anything to help your babies feel better. You just have to help them through it as best you can. I did my best to comfort them over the next week but it was pretty rough.

There was lots of sleeping...

And lots of popsicles with Mythbusters or video games...

(This was one of the two times they actually had clothes on the whole week. They did wear underwear, but only grudgingly.)

And there was a lot of medicine.

The medicine was the cause of lots of drama. Jack took his mostly without complaint (except during the middle of the night) but Nathan was another story. He cried. And kicked. And whined. And complained. He did NOT want that medicine - no pain medicine, no ear drops, no antibiotic. None of it. I could hardly blame him. It was quite a relentless round-the-clock schedule of medicine, requiring me to keep track via a notebook and an intricate grid of timing and doses. But we had to do it.

By Day 5, Jack had had enough of Nathan's carrying-ons. I gave Jack his morning doses and then steadied myself to tackle Nathan's medicine. He was not happy at all, per usual. (Poor guy.) By the time I had finished up with Nathan and gotten him settled again, Jack had disappeared. I searched around for him and, on my way upstairs to check their bedroom, I found this note on steps.

Translation: "I'm sleeping because of Nathan! P.S. He annoys me when he cries."

Oh my heart - my poor Jack had definitely had enough of Nathan. These are two boys who very rarely fight, unless it's over a video game and whose turn it is. For Jack to be pushed to the edge far enough to find a piece of paper, a marker, and to scribble this out, he must have been far gone indeed. Poor sweet boy.

I found him on his bed, feigning sleep. We talked it through and decided to cut Nathan some slack, as he was feeling so bad and still seemed worse off than Jack was. But Jack was very clear that he just didn't know "why Nathan has to make such a fuss about it!"

So that was our week after surgery. Days 4 through 6 were the worst. By Day 8, they were on the upswing. By the following weekend, they were back up to normal.

It's crazy how the countdown to surgery had really been weighing on us. Now that it's over and the recovery is done, it's a huge weight lifted. I'm glad we are getting back to our regularly scheduled summer fun.

Girl Pressure

2011-07-08T05:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the boys and I took Daisy for a walk. It was probably the second time we had been out of the house for more than a week. The boys had their tonsils taken out last week and it's been rough. The boys have mostly recovered by the end of this week, but we're still taking it day-by-day.

As I walked Daisy (or rather, was dragged along by Daisy), the boys rode their scooters. They also wore their bike helmets. I'm a little over-protective, I know - but if you had a husband who's deaf in 1 ear because of a bike accident as a kid, you'd want your babies to wear helmets every day of their lives as well. Mostly, the boys don't mind wearing the helmets, but lately, they have been wanting to skip them when they ride their scooters. Today, however, after a LONG week inside the house, I didn't give in. I made them wear them.

As we walked/rode down the next block, a group of girls was outside playing in their driveway. The boys had been riding ahead and back again during our walk. However, when Nathan saw the girls playing, he rode back to me, and asked me - very loudly - "Mom, I don't know why you make me wear this helmet! I look like a dork in this helmet. I didn't want to wear this helmet. Why did you make me wear it, Mom?"

Basically, he wanted to be sure the little girls knew he would never, ever make the dorky decision to wear a helmet while riding a scooter. Jack just looked blankly at him, not having the wherewithal to be embarrassed about how he looks yet, apparently. And I cried a little inside, knowing that the days of growing up into pre-teens are quickly approaching. Sigh.

Growing Pains

2011-06-27T05:51:00.001-07:00

Nathan loves to sit on my lap while we scroll through photos on my laptop. The problem is - he's too big. He got about 8 pounds and 1 inch on Jack right now, which is a huge difference when that's 20% of your body weight. I can barely lift him, let alone withstand the crushing weight of him trying to squeeze onto my lap in my office chair.

The other day, after doing this normal routine, I squeezed him up in a bear hug and fake-cried, telling him that he wasn't allowed to grow anymore. If he grew any bigger, he wasn't going to fit into our house, let alone on my lap. He looked at me very seriously and said, "Even if I don't fit on your lap, I'll always be your son."

Well, I certainly hope so. (Sob!)

Baseball Season

2011-06-06T06:58:00.001-07:00

It's that time of year again - baseball season! The boys are doing coach-pitch baseball this year for the first time. And it's not easy. They are struggling a bit to make that transition from t-ball to pitched baseball. But they are getting better every time they practice.

Our first game was yesterday, and the boys were all geared up with the personalized baseball gear I made for them. They looked so cute! I love this shot of Nathan with his hat and Byron in the background.

The boys were each up to bat twice during the game. Nathan really worked hard at hitting the ball from the pitch but wasn't able to connect this time around. He was able to slug it out to center field from the tee, though. He just needs to get his timing down as he's just barely missing the pitch ball each time.

Jack was able to connect with the pitch ball on his first time up to bat. We were so proud to see it fly out to right field. The second time up, he wasn't able to connect but again, slugged it out to center field from the tee.

We need to get some good practice before our next game. We love baseball!

Handsome Clothes

2011-05-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

As I dropped the boys off at school this morning, we noticed that some of the kids were dressed in 50s-style clothes in honor of the 5th grade chorus concert tonight. My boys had no idea what 50s-style clothes were, and I told them that we didn't really have any (although if I had been a "with-it" mother, I could have dressed them in jeans and a white t-shirt and called it good, but I'm not altogether-together these days). They agreed; then Jack said, "Yeah, pretty much, we only have handsome clothes and cool clothes."

So true, darling - so true.

New School

2011-03-11T18:44:00.000-08:00

The boys started their new school and seem to like it just fine. Not much phases first-grade boys, apparently. During the whole move process, I obsessed endlessly over how the boys would adjust to going to a new school. I did that a lot as a kid (I went to 5 different elementary schools between Kindergarten and 6th grade), and I remember being so sick to my stomach with worry about being the new kid. Would my boys feel that way too?

My worries were for nothing. They enjoy their new school and have met lots of new friends. The school has been very supportive of having the boys and has made the transition easy. The boys each have great teachers and aren't having any troubles being where they need to be in the lessons currently going on at the new school.

Even my worries about starting school 30 minutes earlier - and the entailing having-to-get-the-boys-up-30-minutes-earlier-routine has been a smooth transition. An interesting change I could never have predicted - no more TV in the morning. We don't have a TV in the main living area of our new house (kitchen/dining/living room) instead having opted to put our "big" TV (which is a laughable term, considering it's not big at all, but the biggest we have right now) in our family room downstairs. So when the boys have breakfast in the morning - at our new favorite place, the breakfast bar! - there's no TV, which means no Sponge Bob, no Clone Wars, no nothing. The boys get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, then go back upstairs to make their beds, brush teeth, put jammies away, and please, please remember to turn off the lights up there so Mommy doesn't have to walk up those stairs yet again to turn them off herself (who ordered a house with all these stairs anyway? Oh, that's right, I think it was me...).

The boys do play their Nintendo DSi's in between all these chores, but they are fairly cooperative about turning them off when it's time to leave. Most days, anyway.

The part that's been killing me - and I don't know if it's because we're at a new school or because they are just growing up (sob!) - but they refuse to let me kiss them at school any longer. When I drop them off at school, I have to kiss them in the car before they are seen by any other kids or settle for just (barely) a hug. Another sign that they are succumbing to the pressures of their peers - Nathan pulls off his hat and gloves the second he thinks he's out of my eyesight. This is truly hilarious, because, like every mother of every age, my eyesight extends much further than he can possibly imagine. Plus what will he do when his ears freeze off??!!

My babies aren't my babies anymore...

The Best of Us

2011-03-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the boys were playing outside with the neighborhood kids. The ground here is sloppy with mud and slush, and before I could get back out to see how they were doing, Nathan had run home with sopping wet jeans smeared with - fun! - dog poop. Awesome.

I got him a new pair of pants to change into, and he told me was sorry for getting covered in dog poop. I told him that was kind but totally unnecessary. Boys get dirty. Dog poop is a little extreme, but still. Then he said, "Yeah, it happens to the best of us."

I guess it does.

The Romantic Life

2011-03-02T17:37:00.000-08:00

My babies are no longer my babies. I know this. And yet, I love to cuddle and snuggle them as much as they will allow. One night this week, when they both rebuffed my attempts at snuggling, I very loudly protested in a fake, wailing cry. Jack looked at me and, very un-ironically, told me, "Mom, stop being so romantic."

I think he meant dramatic. But then again, maybe he wants me to stop kissing him so much. Whatever.

I'm sure I don't need to dwell too much on their sense of humor, but as a good example, here are pancake "butts" they make at breakfast most mornings. It's supposed to look like a person bent over...you get the idea...

Dating Already?

2011-03-01T20:40:00.000-08:00

Nathan has this recent habit of always asking what time it is. I never have a watch on me, other than my phone, which is usually nowhere nearby. So I don't have a good answer for him in most cases. My usual response is, "Why? Do you have date?"

He gets extremely annoyed by this. He must have been thinking of up ways to get back at me - last night, after asking again what time it was, and me giving my usual response, he nearly knocked me to the floor by saying, "Yes, Mom, I have a date. I need you to take me to pick her up in 5 minutes."

Ugh...please no, I'm not ready.

Finally Moved!

2011-02-22T18:01:00.000-08:00

We have finally - officially - irreversibly - moved to Nebraska. It's been a long, long journey, but we made it. Our move finally happened during the week of the great blizzard of 2011. Whoo-wee. What a time to move. Couldn't have been worse weather, really. The entire saga:

Tuesday: The packing team arrived at our old house to pack everything. By the time they were done - mid-afternoon - the blizzard had set in with full force, and it was craziness. The boys had a snow day that day (and the next day was supposed to be their last day at their old school). Our dear neighbors had all the kids at their house to play that day, as our house was not much fun, what with all the TVs and video games packed up. So we picked up the boys after the packing team left, then drove to the hotel where we were supposed to be staying for a single night. That single night turned into three nights. The snow was insane! I've never seen anything like it. By early evening, the moving company had called to reschedule our loading from Wednesday to Thursday.

Wednesday: By morning, there was at least 12 inches of snow on the ground. Another snow day for the schools. Turns out the boys wouldn't be going back to their old school. :( They were okay with it, but I was sad for them. The best part: Byron and I spent three hours shoveling the driveway and the sidewalks in preparation for the loading team to come to the house to pack us up. We got a call mid-morning that the movers wouldn't be able to be there until Friday. So we went back to the hotel to stay another night.

Thursday: Even with the load being delayed, I knew the boys and I would have to go to Lincoln regardless. We had a carpet cleaning appt that afternoon at the new house, and the boys were supposed to start their new school the next day. So we left Byron to deal with the loading up of all our worldly possessions. Which is probably just as well, considering how freaked out I was just seeing all our stuff in boxes. The boys and I arrived in Lincoln and set up camp in our new house with air mattresses and suitcases.

Friday: I had called the new school from the road the day before and told them the boys wouldn't be starting until Monday. I just couldn't deal with one more thing - I admit it, I was stretched to the absolute limit. So Friday was a pretty boring day (thankfully). I set up a makeshift office so I could get some work done, and the boys played video games for pretty much the entire day. I'm not apologizing. We did what we had to do.

Luckily, the loading team arrived in KC that morning, loaded everything up, and Byron was able to get to Lincoln that night. We were finally all together, including Daisy, who rode up with Byron.

Saturday: Bright and early, the moving truck arrived to deliver at our new house.

My dad took the boys to his apartment for the day. Byron and I had a weird day of standing around and watching people do a lot of work, directing traffic, and basically wondering how in the world all this stuff fit into our old tiny house. The crew was done by early afternoon, leaving Byron and I to wander around, not knowing where to start. We got the boys home and decided to call it a day.

And that's mostly it. All in all, we love our new house. So much more space than we had before, and we definitely needed more space. Now, for the really hard part - unpacking...

Outrageous

2011-01-25T09:11:00.000-08:00

Byron had the boys in Lincoln this past weekend. It was supposed to be the weekend we were preparing to move to Nebraska, but with the close rescheduled to this week, I instead had a relaxing, quiet weekend all to myself. Very needed and very nice.

Byron called to check in and had Jack get on the phone to tell me about a sign he saw as they drove through town. Jack told me in great detail about this sign - a girl, standing up, from behind, a neon sign in two parts, of the girl's butt, and the two parts each lit up at alternating times. (Are you getting the picture yet?) Yes, it was a sign for one of those places. Remember the happy whore? Well, Byron couldn't exactly explain to Jack the sign's purpose.

As Jack told me about the sign and I tried desperately to keep from laughing, Jack told me in a very outraged voice (and a fair imitation of me, I think), "I have NO IDEA WHY in the world they would have a SIGN of a GIRL SHAKING HER BUTT in PUBLIC!!"

Oh my dear sweet boy, you will know, and all too soon...

Another Snow Day

2011-01-20T09:26:00.000-08:00

The 4th snow day we've had so far this school year. I'm trying not to mourn the fact that today was supposed to be the day we closed on our new home in Lincoln - the close has been postponed until next week, so not all is lost. And with more than 6 inches of snow dumped on us, I should be grateful that I'm not having to drive across the Midwest in this weather. Instead, I'm home with the kiddos - the boys and our dear neighbor friend - warm and cozy.

Well, mostly warm. I did spend 90 minutes shoveling our driveway and various side entrances. (Why does such a small house have so many doors anyway??) I may or may not have thrown out my back. There was no less than 34 feet of snow in our driveway, which I had never noticed before as being so very, very long and winding - almost palatial, really. As if leading down a long lane of magnolias. But doesn't. Not even close.

The kids are being extremely wonderful and letting me get my work done - working at home has many advantages and snow days are 1 of them. However, I do actually have to work, so the kids are mostly left to their own devices, playing video games for way more than the daily recommended dose. (Does anyone actually follow that guideline?)

I would say that I'm excited to move out of this snowy wasteland except that, where I'm moving, there's even MORE snow. But at least there I have a spouse I can force to do the shoveling...

The Measure of a Man

2011-01-12T06:45:00.000-08:00

We're on our third snow day in a row here in Kansas City. The first day was actual snow, but yesterday and today are because of sub-zero temperatures. Do you think that might deter two 7-year-old boys who want to go sledding? Of course not.

So the three of us bundle up from head to toe in our winter gear - boots, hats, gloves, gators, snow pants, and even ski goggles. Seriously. I know I've said this before, but being a mom of boys has certainly forced me out of my girly comfort zone.

As we traversed the huge snow piles on the way to our sledding hill yesterday, the boys made a few fast daredevil runs down a short hill, crashing into the snow pile at the bottom and nearly crushing their little faces. As I squealed in fear, watching Nathan crash yet again, Jack told me very calmly, "Geesh Mom, we're men - we're tough."

I guess I'll have to just get over it...

Move Update

2010-12-15T15:28:00.000-08:00

So a lot of people have been wondering - have you moved yet? Will you move ever? Well, my friends, we will indeed finally be moving to Nebraska in January. We finally found a house there that we LOVE, and we couldn't be more excited to get into it.

Our house here in KC is still on the market - but not for much longer! We'll sell it in the next 30 days or we'll sell it to the relocation company. Either way, we are Nebraska-bound, finally!

Dream On

2010-12-09T05:40:00.000-08:00

Jack was very excited about his dream last night. He described an incredible dance contest where he was dancing up a storm of natural talent. He won the contest prize of $5,000!

"And then I woke up and I was like -- dang it! -- I don't have a paycheck!"

Funny

2010-12-08T05:37:00.001-08:00

It's been a while since we've had an original joke, so here's an original one, written by Nathan...

Q: What did the penny say to the dollar?

A: You're not making any cents!

Reunion

2010-12-07T06:40:00.000-08:00

Jessica, our wonder-nanny, came last month to babysit. The boys could hardly contain their excitement. They kept talking about all the things they were sure Jessica was going to notice were different since the last time she had been over.

Jack: "Yeah, she's going to say, wow, you've grown like 5 inches!"

Nathan: "Yeah, she's going see that I'm a foot taller than you now."

It's Thanksgiving Already?

2010-11-23T07:55:00.000-08:00

The fall season has gone by all too quick. We are still in the process of relocating to Nebraska. Byron is working there already and has been since August. It's been almost four months of him driving back on the weekends. That means life has been very different at our house as we get our house sold. We are hoping that in the next month, we'll get moved and settled in Lincoln. In the meantime, the boys are enjoying first grade and my new job is wonderful. I'm now a technical writer for HRB's digital tax products, and I work at home, which means I can continue the job when we're in Nebraska. My dad has also moved to Lincoln for a new job, so it's a double bonus to have him there in the new town when we get moved. I hope to have more good news about our move soon!

Rock Band

2010-11-09T05:12:00.000-08:00

Nathan just told me his friend Jack B. (yes, another Jack, very popular name in their age group) wants to start a rock band. He wants Nathan to play the bass guitar and he (Jack B.) is going to play the lead guitar. (Chris is going to play the drums, in case you were wondering.)

Apparently, Nathan isn't happy with this arrangement. I sense band tension already.

Here's how Nathan described the situation: "Well, 1, I don't want to play the bass guitar. And 2, I don't know how to play the bass guitar. And 3, Jack B will get all the solos."

True Gamers

2010-09-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Jack: "These video games are probably teaching us how to drive!"

(I sure hope not...yikes.)

Smart Shopper

2010-09-16T18:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight I told the boys how lucky I was to be the mommy of two boys, as they were both literally piled on top of me on the couch watching America's Funniest Videos (our guilty pleasure). Jack responded with, "Yeah, it was like a two-for-one sale!"

He must be picking up on my instincts for sale shopping...

Identical or No?

2010-09-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

The boys are growing up fast, but right now, Nathan has about five pounds and 1 inch on Jack. It's a noticeable difference, even to the boys. Yesterday, in the van on our way to get our flu shots (fun!), Jack said, "Nathan is a brick and I'm a pillow with a few rocks in it."

Whirlwind

2010-07-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Things have been moving so fast since summer started! Here it is nearly time for the boys' birthday, and school will be starting before we know it. Lots of changes are coming for our family - namely that Byron has a new job in Lincoln, Nebraska. We are currently figuring out what to do next: finding me a new job, our family a new house, selling our house here in KC, all while doing all the summer fun activities we enjoy. Lots still to figure out but we are trying to take it one step at a time. We'll be here in KC for awhile still, I'm sure!
July has been busy for us:

The 8th(?) Annual Wiebers' Olympics in Versailles, Missouri, over the 4th of July weekend. This is our family's yearly competition of indoor and outdoor events, all taken VERY seriously. This year's winner was AGAIN my brother Ryan. (Whatever.)
The following weekend was my Grandma's 80th Birthday Party in Camanche, Iowa - a great trip back to see my Dad's family.
My Mom and stepdad were here this past weekend, bringing my nephew Erik along - we had a great weekend, including a whole day at Oceans of Fun.
This coming weekend brings J&N's 7th birthday party at our house. Can't wait!! Byron's mom Jeannine is arriving today to celebrate with us.
Finally, on the weekend after this one I will be going on our 2nd annual Girls' Trip with Nichole, Jo Ellen and Lora. Last year it was to Miami Beach, Florida - this year to Tan-Tar-A in the Lake of the Ozarks. Just a little change of scenery... :)

Hope everyone's summer is filled with fun too! This one is going by way too fast.

Gender Equality

2010-05-20T08:06:00.000-07:00

This morning, Jack asks me, "Mom, how do they tell girl dogs and boy dogs apart?"

Awkward silence from me. It's only 7am, after all. Do I really need to have this conversation now?

I decide to take the cop out route: "Well, the same way you tell human girls and boys apart."

Silence.

Then Jack's face lights up, "Oh! They give the girl dogs girl names and the boy dogs boy names, right?"

Sigh. "Yes, dear. That's right."

Pets

2010-05-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

Today I pulled a crumbled piece of paper out of Jack's backpack. Normally, they bring home worksheets, drawings, etc - not twisted pieces of paper. LOL. I asked Jack what it was, and he matter-of-factly told me, "It's my pet tornado."

Oh yes, of course. A pet tornado. What else could it be?

Reading Update

2010-05-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

The boys got their latest report cards last week and both have moved up from a Level 50 in reading (5th grade level!) to a Level 80, which apparently is the highest level they can test for at the elementary school. I'm more than a little impressed, although we tried not to make too big of a deal out of it. Problem is, the boys are both too smart NOT to know what that means.

Case in point: last night as we were driving back from the Graden Book Fair (and Pancake Dinner!), Erin, our 1st grade next door neighbor, was having trouble sounding out a word in her new book. Without any hesitation, Nathan said, "I'm a Level 80 in reading. Let me see it."

Well at least there are no problems with confidence issues at all in this house...

Kindergarten Musical

2010-04-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

The boys performed their Kindergarten Musical last night. It was great! I was so incredibly proud of them. They each had a joke to perform at the microphone. As they had been memorizing their lines over the last month, I had no idea that they were "stars". I thought every kid had a line to perform, but it turns out that only three or four kids from each of the four Kindergarten classes had speaking parts. The jokes were true groaners:

Jack: What does a dog call his dad? Paw.
Nathan: Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

We had to make costumes for the show as well. Jack was a dog and Nathan was a baby chick. Ugh. So stinkin' cute! Byron went to the afternoon performance (they had three performances!) and video'd the whole thing, all 25 minutes of it...

First Day of April

2010-04-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

This morning as I was getting ready for work, the boys came bursting in, shouting "Mom! Mom! MOM!!"

After I recovered from my heart attack ("WHAT?! WHAT?! OMG!!"), Jack yelled, "They cancelled school today!"

I stood there, astounded, wondering why in the world school would be cancelled today - crazy scenarios racing through my mind (i.e. gas leak, flash flood) - and never once wondering HOW in the world my two six-year olds might have found this out before me.

Then Jack yelled, "APRIL FOOL'S!!!!"

They got me for sure...

Dream Big, Kid

2010-01-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

Nathan's kindergarten teacher just emailed me: "Today we wrote to the prompt 'What would you do if you were a grown-up?' and Nathan wrote 'I would live in a loft apartment by Dairy Queen, have two dogs, and have three kids. I would walk my kids to the Dairy Queen and give them treats when they made good choices.'"

Now that's a dream I hope he can achieve...

Kindergarten is a Little More Advanced Than I Remember

2010-01-26T08:25:00.000-08:00

So after dinner last night, we were talking to the boys about school, doing homework, etc. They have their FIRST EVER Science Fair coming up, and Byron asked them what they might want to do. As he suggested various experiments (i.e. what kind of food does Daisy - our dog - like best?), Nathan replied, "Dad, we'll have to apply the scientific method. We need to ask a question, create a hypothesis, then test the hypothesis and then analyze the results."

Well - yes. Wow. Okay...

A little bit later, we were practicing spelling words for Nathan's upcoming FIRST EVER spelling test. The boys were taking turns spelling the words out loud, and then Byron pointed out that it would be a little different to write the words down versus spelling them out loud, because we use different parts of our brain to do different things. That's when Jack told us, "Yeah, we know Dad - it's called meta-cognition."

Okay. Again, wow...

I think I need to write a thank you note to their teachers. Geesh.

They'll Always Be My Boyfriends

2009-11-21T07:33:00.000-08:00

Jack: "Dad, this is the kind of dance boys do to impress girls." (Jack does a little twirl dance.)

Byron: "Oh yeah? What kind of girls are you trying to impress?"

Jack: "I don't know - maybe Mom?"

Growing Up

2009-11-17T07:37:00.000-08:00

I guess I can finally admit that my boys are growing up when I'm able to call out to them, "Hey! Can someone bring me some toilet paper?" And they do...

Overheard

2009-10-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

This morning as the boys were playing video games, Nathan said to Jack, "We can't do Level 1. That's too easy! Come on, man, we're six years old!"

Week 3 Begins...

2009-08-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

...of Kindergarten that is. I may have mentioned a few times that the boys are now in all-day school. Have I mentioned that yet? HAVE I?? I admit it - I am EXHAUSTED. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for this new routine. It's relentless. And the boys are already starting each morning with "Why do we have to school today??!!!??" (I have to control myself SEVERELY to not just say, "Okay, let's all stay home!" because there is nothing more I would love to do at this point).

Their school is wonderful - I love their teachers - I love everything about it. It's just the never-ending-ness of it all. The papers that come home each afternoon. The papers that have to go back each morning. HOMEWORK every night (okay, so it's really just making "letter sounds" and takes about two minutes tops). Lunches that have to be made. FORCING them to eat breakfast. Packing up a week's worth of snacks every Sunday in each backpack. Making sure they have presentable clothes to wear (I feel like a crazy person admitting this, but I actually hang up COMPLETE OUTFITS for each day of the week on Sunday night for both of them). Glasses cases. Water bottles. Tennis shoes on PE days. Library books to return on library days. Practicing their cafeteria PINS (no more lunch tickets in the modern age!). Book order forms. The relentless PTA requests. Spirit Day Fridays! "Show and tell" days! This is just two weeks of school, people!

(Sigh.) I know it will all be fine. But I have a new found appreciation for ALL parents of school-age children, those who are doing it now and those who have lived to tell the tale. It's a full-time management job. We'll get used to it, I know. But for now, I'm making it through one day at a time. (And to Jessica and Ashley - I miss you both! A LOT!)

Kindergarten Begins

2009-08-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today was Day 2 of Kindergarten. Yesterday was pretty good as far as the boys went. They both really like their teachers, so they were fine when we left them at their classes to start the day. For some crazy reason, I started bawling as soon as I went to leave - without them seeing, of course - which makes no sense at all, considering I've left them at home nearly every day all these years. The difference being, I guess, they were left at home with Miss Jessica or Miss Ashley versus being left at school all by themselves. (Sob!) When I picked them up from school, they were happy and excited and VERY VERY tired. No naps and lots of activity has made an interesting two evenings. The good news is that they pass out nearly as soon as their heads hit the pillow. The bad news is that they are INCREDIBLY GRUMPY and easy to set off into tantrums. Oh well - I'm sure we'll all adjust very soon.

Both of their teachers send email updates to let us know what they're working on in class, which I completely love! I cannot stop being totally proud of our school - we really have a great one!

Lunch is a bit of a struggle - mainly for me, who obsesses over how LITTLE THEY EAT. Yesterday, they both tried the hot lunch. Jack ate a little of the cheese pizza, green beans and pineapple slices; Nathan ate vanilla yogurt and pineapple (that's supposed to get him through until snack time?!). Today, both boys took their lunches in their new Sponge Bob (for Jack) and Mario Super Sluggers (for Nathan) lunchboxes (thanks Grandpa!). I "made" them each a PB sandwich and they then added baby carrots, applesauce, pretzels, and a cookie snack for dessert. Nathan had a bit of a mishap today when he tried to throw away his trash after lunch and leave with his cookies but they made him throw those away too (this is all coming from him, so we don't know too much about what really happened). I think he wanted to eat them later? Anyway, no food leaves the cafeteria - so we told him next time to just put everything back in his lunchbox. But I have an ulterior motive for that one - Brooks tipped me off that this way I'll know what they ate. Which is good thing, because today they each ate only pretzels, apparently. AWESOME. Very nutritious. Jack said he may or may not have eaten some of his applesauce - he just couldn't remember.

So all in all, school rocks. At least for now...

Back to School

2009-08-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

Last night was back to school night at the boys' new school - although for us, it was go-to-school-for-the-first-time night. We found their rooms, met their teachers (separate classrooms!) and put away all of our school supplies. The boys are very excited and looking forward to starting on Monday, mostly because of recess, of course. They are very well prepared, if I do say so myself, but the socialization thing is going to be huge. Both boys have great teachers, and I'm excited to see how the boys do in this new environment.

The kindergarten classrooms each have a restroom in the room, and Nathan used theirs last night. He was in there FOREVER and finally Byron knocked on the door to make sure he was okay. He found Nathan standing at the sink, sort of freaking out, because the directions for washing his hands were confusing. The directions told him to turn on the water first, then put soap on and wash. Nathan was upset because he normally puts soap on first, then turns on the water. Apparently he was worried about doing it wrong. So we told him the directions were for all the kids who don't know how to wash their hands, and his way of doing it was fine. LOL. Ugh! They are just little perfectionists.

Today is the last day we have with Miss Jessica - and it is a sad day indeed. She's been nannying for the boys since they were six months old, so this is quite a change for us. I once again realized how much I relied on her when she called me yesterday to ask if the boys should put on nice shirts to go the school event, something I, of course, hadn't even thought of. What will I do without her?! Ugh...

Tooth Fairy

2009-08-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

My boys may be the first children in the history of the planet to be AFRAID OF THE TOOTH FAIRY. Nathan lost his first tooth yesterday - August 10, 2009! - and was excited about the prospect of getting a dime from the Tooth Fairy (kind of cheap, huh?). But when it came time to place said tooth under his pillow, he suddenly freaked out (helped along as usual by Jack) and decided he didn't want the creepy Tooth Fairy sneaking around his room at night. So I volunteered to keep the tooth out on the kitchen counter instead. Both boys were happy with the solution - and excited about the four quarters the Tooth Fairy left behind. Turns out the Tooth Fairy had deeper pockets than the boys anticipated. Now, Jack is working on his first loose tooth - the EXACT SAME TOOTH that Nathan lost yesterday, of course.

I Ain't Missing You At All

2009-07-19T06:42:00.000-07:00

My boys have always been very independent from me. It may just be their natures. It may have come from me working outside the home from the time they were babies. We've been blessed to have incredible childcare for the two of them in the form of Miss Ashley and Miss Jessica, who have nannied for the boys forever. J&N have felt secure at home and yet have also ventured out into the world with people other than their parents. They can be shy when meeting new people but, for the most part, they tend to be comfortable in new situations and love new challenges. (Remind me sometime to write up the high-dive story...ugh.)

When they have gone to stay with grandparents for the weekend, J&N have never had problems with missing me or Byron while staying overnight. That independence even extends to where they don't even want to talk to us on the phone. Even when I beg. Fine.

Until this time. My mom and stepdad just took the boys back to Memphis for the week to spend a vacation at Grandma's house. They've got their cousin Baby Erik to play with (who is now 4 and surely not a baby any more, even though we'll probably call him that until he's 24) and lots of fun activities planned for the week. They will have every whim and wish fulfilled immediately, I have no doubt.

So why now, of all times, did they both break down and cry on the way to Grandma's house because they missed me? Ugh. I never knew how good I had it before. They both act like crazy ungrateful fit-throwing boys all day for me - and then drive to Grandma's house and are so upset. It just breaks my heart. Nathan even told me on the phone that he just loves me so much and he wishes he could be with me. Do you think I cried too? Oh yes I did.

Both Byron and my good friend Brooks, whose family was on the trip with us and witnessed the fit-throwing meltdowns all day yesterday (along with plenty of smiles too), said the boys were just tired and I was tired and we'd all be fine tomorrow. We had spent the entire day at The City Museum (the MOST WONDERFUL PLACE ON EARTH, seriously, go there now). When I said that the boys never missed us before, Brooks asked if I always sent my children to their grandparents' house completely exhausted, high on sugar and ready to endure a 4-hour car ride. Hmmmm...I guess that's true.

Today is a new day, and hopefully with a full night of sleep and some banana pancakes from Grandpa, they'll be feeling brave and independent again. At least I will cross my fingers...Memphis is an eight hour drive each way.

The Trouble with Phonetics

2009-06-25T05:35:00.000-07:00

The boys are reading really, really, REALLY well. As in - they read entire books all by themselves. They read everything by themselves. And I do mean everything. It's a new found power they have discovered, just another step toward the day when they head out the door to live their own lives. (Sigh.)

Byron took them to Sonic for ice cream a few nights ago. As they were sitting in the drive-through, Jack asked, "Dad, what's a 'happy whore'?"

Byron choked. "Uh, what's a what?"

Jack replied, "What's a 'happy whore'? There - on that sign."

Byron read the sign. "That says 'happy hour'."

But it's good they can read....

It's Summer

2009-06-19T05:52:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe not officially, but with temperatures hitting 98 this week, it sure feels like it.

This is the last summer the boys have at home before officially starting their school journey. I'm a little sad at nearing the end of our time with our nanny but I know the boys are ready for school and to grow up. It's like knowing you have to wave goodbye to Mary Poppins - we love our Miss Jessica that much!

So they are going to spend the summer with her having fun. They've been doing the pool already and playing in the backyard. Erin is spending the day with them today, so that adds a little more excitement to a day at home.

In other news, Byron is in Key West this week for his guys-only scuba diving trip. I'm only a tiny bit jealous. The boys have been cooperative for the most part but are missing their dad.

Revelation

2009-03-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

The other morning the boys asked me how long it was until their birthday. I answered and then heard silence. And then Nathan said, "Jack! When we are 6, we'll be almost 7!!"

(I put in the exclamation points because that's how they talk these days. With exclamation points.)

(That is, unless I tell them I can't hear them, at which point, inexplicably, they talk even more quietly. Go figure.)

Nuptials

2009-03-15T17:03:00.000-07:00

Nathan: When I'm ready to get married, I'm going to ask all of my girlfriends to line up in a sideways line and then I will say eeny-meeny-miney-moe and that's the one I'll get married to.

Christmas Cheer

2008-12-23T14:07:00.000-08:00

So is everyone ready for the holidays? Is anyone else sick of that question?

We are ready, at least as ready as we can be with two 5-year-olds who believe that writing a Christmas list to Santa means Santa will be bringing everything on that list. Including a go-kart (real-life-sized). This despite the normal rounds of repeated tantrums and whining and general rowdy craziness that ensues when two boys try to outdo each other in the volume department.

Nathan has started a new type of temper tantrum whenever he "loses" at something - Wii Sports, UNO, whatever. He throws down whatever he's got in his hands (Wii remotes, cards, etc) and then STOMPS off to his room, shouting at the top of his LUNGS that THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER and that he is THE WORST PLAYER EVER and he cries and stomps some more and slams the door repeatedly. We've learned mainly to ignore him because it's just too funny. And kind of sad, yes. Because he really is the WORST PLAYER EVER. (Not really.)

His pre-school teacher once commented about the boys' perfectionist streak (i.e. crying and insisting on starting all over whenever they messed up writing their names) and I told her that it was because we made them do things over and over and over and over again until they got it right. And as she paused in horror to absorb what I had said, I realized that it didn't sound as funny when it came out as it did in my head. Teachers don't like to think you are mentally abusing your children apparently. Noted.

Jack has fits that are much more quiet by comparison, and yet, not any less annoying. Our only threat to both of them has the been the ubiquitous SANTA-IS-WATCHING-YOU threat. And what will I do after Thursday?

There have been many sweet moments as the boys are finally (after 5 years on earth) realize what Christmas is all about - and of course I mean secrets and presents. They each picked a present for the other, and it's been the biggest challenge to convince them to keep the secret from each other. Then they have some kind of secret with Miss Jessica (our nanny) that I'm sure will be unveiled later this evening when we do our Christmas with her and Miss Ashley. Nathan has told me "It's NOT a nativity set." (That really threw me off track.)

Original Jokes (and a Public Service Announcement)

2008-12-01T14:14:00.000-08:00

Nathan: "Mommy, want to hear a joke I made up?"

Me: "Of course!"

Nathan: "Knock, knock."

Me: "Who's there?"

Nathan: "Pants."

Me: "Pants who?"

Nathan: "Pants aren't you glad I didn't say underpants again?"

Me: "???"

-----------------------------------

(And another original, this time from Jack.)

Jack: "What is a skeleton's nickname?"

Me: "I don't know."

Jack: "A skulleton."

----------------------------------

(On their way to Chuck E. Cheese's for lunch...)

Nathan: "Yay! That place has games and rides!"

Jack: "And they're a proud sponsor of PBS Kids!"

Language Lessons

2008-11-08T06:12:00.000-08:00

Nathan: "Daddy, what's a windshield?"

Byron: "Well, break the word apart. What's wind?"

Nathan: "Wind is the air outside."

Byron: "And what's a shield?"

Nathan: "A thing that protects you."

Byron: "So put that together. What's a windshield?"

Nathan: "A thing that protects you from the wind?"

Byron: "Right. Good job."

Nathan: "Daddy, what's a 'doh'?"

Byron: "Like dough to make bread?"

Nathan: "No, a 'doh'. What is it?"

Byron: "Like what Homer Simpson says? He says 'doh' when he's mad."

Nathan: "No, a 'doh'! Like wind-dow!"

Byron: "Oh...Well, that one doesn't work when you try it break it down I guess."

A Helping Hand

2008-10-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

This morning I awoke to my boys' voices. I finally deciphered that they were in the bathroom together. But doing what? I wearily pulled myself out of bed and, in the bathroom, found Jack sitting on the toilet and Nathan holding a toddler wipe (like a baby wipe but flushable).

Nathan said to Jack, "But Jack, I know how to do it!"

Then Jack said, "But I don't want you to do it!"

And then I realized what was going on. Nathan was going to wipe Jack's butt.

After shuddering internally for a moment, I replied, "That's very sweet Nathan, but most people don't want someone else to wipe their butt. Unless it's Mommy or Daddy."

Lucky me.

Rico Sauve

2008-10-17T05:28:00.000-07:00

Jack: "Mommy, what's a distraction? Miss Katie says we can't cause a distraction."

Mommy: "Well, a distraction is something that keeps someone from doing what they are supposed to be doing."

Jack: "You mean like - hey, your dress is very beautiful."

Mommy: "What? Um, no. Uh, I mean, that's more of a compliment."

Jack (thoughtfully): "Oh."

(I'm not sure what to make of this one. Is he saying this to the girls at school??!! Maybe his teacher has told him that HE'S the distraction. Ugh.)

Birthday Celebrations

2008-09-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was my 34th birthday. It started in the morning with my husband leaving for a business trip at 5am, meaning that I would on my own all week. Then the boys got up and told me to come into their room and then close my eyes because they had a surprise for me: they picked out their own clothes and got dressed without help. Now that's a great birthday gift (and I truly mean that). No matter that they were a little under dressed for the weather.

When I got home from work, the boys ecstatically greeted me in the garage, telling me that they were ready to "celebrate!!" They led me inside, each pulling on my arms, to show me the birthday artwork they had made for me. Miss Jessica had spelled out H-A-P-P-Y B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y in large open letters, which the boys colored in, adding stickers and drawings. They pointed out all of the pictures they had drawn, which included fireworks and birds and bats (the animal kind). I LOVE everything about it. I'm going to keep it up on the wall forever.

Jack then told me, "Today is your birthday, so that means you get to do anything you want. I think we should pretend it's all our birthdays and then we should play video games." Of course.

So that was my birthday. Another year older - and I couldn't be happier.

Snippets

2008-09-15T04:41:00.000-07:00

Grandpa: "Nathan, do you have any 'henweighs'?"

Nathan: "I have 57 henweighs!"

-----------------------------

Mom: "I love you, Jack."

Jack: "Well, I love you 350 miles per hour."

-----------------------------

Jack: "Mommy, can I play my recordian? I mean my marmomica?"

Mommy: "You mean your harmonica?"

Jack: "Yeah, that's what I said."

-----------------------------

Nathan: "Before I put on my underwear, I always check to make sure there's no poop in there."

Semantics

2008-08-23T09:02:00.000-07:00

Nathan: "Why do they call these seats 'bleachers'?"

Byron: "I'm not sure. That's just what they're called."

Nathan: "Kind of like they call us humans, I guess."

Summer

2008-08-11T13:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I got to spend a wonderful summer day with my boys. Byron was golfing with a friend, so we declared it to be a "Mommy and Her Boys Day." We went to the pool, we rode bikes in the park, we got ice cream cones, we played games at home. It was great. It was about 90% fun and 10% whining. An extremely good day.

I've been so down lately, wanting to do more summer activities with the boys. So this was a much-needed day of fun for us all. Yay for summer. I'll be sad to see it end. School is starting up again all too soon (although at least our school, pre-school that is, will not be starting until after Labor Day, which is the way it should be in my opinion) and then next week, my boys are going to be off to college. Or at least that's how it feels. Time moves all too fast.

Stunted Growth

2008-08-08T13:22:00.000-07:00

I marked the boys' height on the wall next to the hall closet again the other day. I hadn't marked them for about two months, and yet, despite my best efforts to stunt their growth by serving them only four different types of food, they have grown another inch taller. How is this possible? All parenting literature tells me that if children don't eat a variety of healthy foods, they won't grow. And yet, according to the wall in my hallway, they've grown at least four inches over the last year.

Could it be the hormones in the milk? Nope. We only serve them organic. (Unless the grocery store is out of organic milk - in which case the trade-off in wasting more gas to drive to the other grocery store to see if they have organic milk seems trite.)

I know I should just let this go, but it's a big source of my parenting guilt. The nutrition debate rages on - you know, where the experts say children need healthy foods in order to sustain their lives and yet somehow my generation lived on mac-and-cheese and kool-aid - and I just feel like I'm failing at it. We continue to offer new foods to the two growing-yet-still-short people in our house but are met with more resistance than acceptance. My friend Katie has a boy just a little older than my two and that child eats more than a grown man does. My two eat mostly bread, hamburger buns, hot dog buns, reduced-fat Cheezits (that's sort of healthy, right?), waffles, cereal, pretzels, fruit and baby carrots. And orange juice and milk. And water (does that count?). Nathan eats corn dogs (but not plain hot dogs, and certainly not a hot dog IN a hot dog bun). Jack eats cheese pizza (except when it looks "funny" according to his vague standards) and chicken nuggets (but only when shaped as dinosaurs and then only certain brands).

A few small recent victories:

Both boys eat sushi!! But only California rolls, minus the avocado, and taken apart to their respective components: rice, cucumber, crab, no paper. Still, it's my excuse to get sushi take-out whenever possible.
Jack tried one single, tiny bite of broccoli and declared it was like eating a tiny tree. He is not planning to eat more broccoli.
Nathan and Jack both ate a leaf of spinach. They are very proud that they tried it but are not ready to try again.

So we'll keep on keeping on. I'm hoping now that they are 5, they'll be more receptive to trying new things. We'll see how that goes.

On a somewhat related note, do you think growing four inches in a year could be the reason they've been so cranky and not-fun lately? (Luckily, they are only cranky and not-fun for me and Byron, and occasionally Miss Jessica. For grandparents and friends, the boys are "delightful!", "no trouble at all! " and "so polite!" Whatever.) Four inches is a lot of bone-stretching in one year. Poor guys.

Birthday Boys

2008-07-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

The boys have just returned from my mom's house. We've spent the week preparing for the Second Annual Big Kahuna Waterslide Birthday Party. This is a big deal, people. My tiny babies have turned 5 years old. I'm not sure how that's possible but it did happen. They went from chubby little toddlers to tall, skinny boys in a year. Last year, they still had round cheeks and pudgy bellies. This year, they are lean and mean (well maybe not mean.)

So happy birthday to my little guys. I'm a better person because you are part of my life. It's not easy to have two babies at once, but there's a part of me that feels you are even more special because of it. As I watch you grow together, I'm constantly amazed by your connection - and honestly, a little bit jealous. You have a way of looking at each other that just cracks you both up. I'm never quite in on the joke, but I'm happy to be around just the same. You've taught me more than I ever knew I would know - mostly about butts and farts and poop and boy body parts, but also about the stars and dreams and books and sports and love. It's a great journey and I can't wait to see what's next.

Just wanted to let you know: I'm so proud to be your mommy.

It's Nice to Be Wanted But...

2008-06-16T13:17:00.001-07:00

This morning, Nathan came running down the hall, feet flying. His final destination was the bathroom. Then he backed up to my room, poked his head and said, "Mommy, when I call your name, come wipe my butt."

Sigh.

Laying Down the Law

2008-06-04T13:15:00.001-07:00

Nathan: "Miss Jessica, get me some cereal."

MJ: "Nathan, you need to say 'please' when you ask for something."

Nathan: (long pause and long stare) "At my grandpa's house, I don't have to say 'please'."

MJ: "Well, this is not grandpa's house."

Graduation Day

2008-05-23T07:34:00.001-07:00

Mommy: So tomorrow is our graduation party and we'll have to make sure you guys are wearing something nice for pictures.

Nathan: To make us handsome? Like something with buttons?

Spelling Bee

2008-05-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

The other evening, completely out of the blue, Byron asks me, "Hey, did you ever talk to their teacher about their g-r-a-d-u-a-t-i-o-n?"

As I paused to decipher what the hell that spells, Nathan piped up, "Does that spell graduation?"

Crap. Our days of spelling are about over.

Happy Birthday to Byron

2008-04-30T14:16:00.000-07:00

Today is my husband's birthday. Yes, he's younger than me, by six months. He never fails to tell our children that he is younger than me - or as J&N like to say it - he is "smaller" than me. (Which is he is NOT, by the way.)

Two mornings ago, I asked the boys what they wanted to get Daddy for his birthday (I didn't plan ahead very well). Nathan ignored me but Jack said he wanted to get Daddy some blue boots, because blue is Daddy's favorite color. I confess that I didn't know blue was his favorite color, nor that he needed boots. But whatever. I found it charming and funny.

I called Byron on my way to work that morning and told him the story. He found it charming and funny as well. No, he didn't need any boots. Blue was okay, but he wasn't crazy about having a pair of boots in that color.

Then I repeated the tale to a friend of mine at work.

To my amazement and glee, she said, "I know where you can get him some blue boots." Apparently, at the tractor supply store, they sell this kind of thing all the time, things that city girls like me never see at Target. So she got me a pair of blue boots to give my husband tonight.

I'm writing this up now because I know there is about a 0.0009% chance that Byron will read my blog before I give him his birthday gifts tonight. And it's just too funny to wait. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HIS FACE WHEN HE OPENS HIS NEW BLUE BOOTS.

And believe me, he will wear them.

Morning Angst

2008-04-21T14:35:00.000-07:00

It's very weird that most of my struggles with the boys are all related to getting ready in the morning. Now, I'm the first to admit that among my working mommy friends, I have it pretty good. We have two FANTASTIC and AMAZING babysitters who alternate days and come to our house each morning to take care of the boys. We are incredibly blessed to have them in our lives and equally thankful that our children have not scared them off after four years.

Now that Jack and Nathan are in preschool three mornings a week, the girls get our boys off to school on those days as well. So I try to do my part to not just get myself ready but to help the boys on their way as well. That means I ask them to get dressed and make their beds on school days. Also, if they want to play video games on non-school days, they have to get dressed and make their beds then as well.

Okay, so we do pretty good most days. I should clarify that I help with the bed-making. It would be freaking amazing if they could do it on their own, but let's be realistic. So I help them out. Also, I put out a pile of clothes for each boy - socks, underwear, shirt, pants. I don't mess with a chore chart, because, let's face it - I'm lazy. I tried to do the chore chart thing but I kept forgetting to make a new one each week, and it's just too much for me. So never mind.

The whole point of this long, rambling tale is that our boys are so different in their personalities. With twins, you have to be careful not to stereotype. You can't say - oh, this one is my troublemaker and this one is my angel. That would be horrible. Seriously. Don't do that. Why? Not only is it mean to your kids, but it will come back to haunt you - and swiftly.

So right now, Jack likes to cooperate a little more "quickly" shall we say, than Nathan. Jack likes video games. It's his favorite thing in the entire world. Nathan likes more to watch Jack play video games, at least in the morning. So when we do the whole get-dressed-make-your-bed-before-you-can-play-video-games thing, Nathan could really care less.

This morning, case in point. He sat around completely naked for an hour and fifteen minutes, telling me NO MOMMY! YOU MAKE MY BED!! I WILL NOT MAKE MY BED! YOU GET ME DRESSED! I CANNOT GET DRESSED!

Then Miss J arrived and was able to convince him to get dressed in approximately one minute.

That's when we noticed that his pants were about three inches too short. Ugh. And of course, when we tell him to take off his pants to exchange them for ones that fit, what do you think happened? Of course he would not do that. He loved those pants and only those would do.

Whatever. I just went to work. I did tell Miss J to make sure the preschool teacher knows we tried to get him to wear different pants. Boys. Sigh.

Wake Up Call

2008-04-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

I had to get up early for work today (joy!) and of course, Jack woke up early as well (ruining my plans for a quiet escape before the children needed me). Once he was dressed and had made his bed, which are the required morning chores for my two four-year-olds, he was allowed to play video games. Yes, at 6:25am. Don't judge me - I need diversion so that I can put makeup on.

Jack was playing alone quite contentedly but kept asking me when Nathan was going to get up, so he could play video games too. I kept telling him that Nathan was asleep as it was VERY EARLY and maybe he should go back to bed also. Needless to say, he didn't agree.

Finally, I heard a terrific shout from Jack and found him approximately one inch away from Nathan's sleeping face, yelling, "Nathan! NATHAN!!! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WAKE UP???!!!"

That woke Nathan up. He was luckily not screaming himself, having been awoken in such a fashion, but was instead rather groggy. And still not ready to play video games, much to Jack's disappointment.

Poetry

2008-04-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

Last night, N and J were talking goofy in their room and I was listening at the door. Among the snatches of nonsense, I heard N say: "I swallowed a car, so my heart could drive somewhere else."

The Sweetest Sound

2008-04-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had just shut off my book-reading nightlight when I heard the pitter-patter of little feet from the other bedroom. I held my breath, waiting. Then the feet passed our room, went to the bathroom, and went potty all by themselves. Then, THEN (and this is where it gets wonderful) those feet went back to their own room and got back into bed and went to sleep.

Ahhhh. Here's to a good night's sleep for once...

The DVR Has Ruined Them

2008-03-17T14:41:00.000-07:00

You know mister, when I was your age, there was no pausing-of-live-tv-watch-any-show-we-wanted-to-at-any-time-of-day. No, when I was your age, if we missed Sesame Street, we just had to live with it.

And this On Demand stuff. On Demand is a nice way for the cable company to market a service, but it's not how you need to ask Mommy for stuff. A little more please and thank you and a little less on demand would be nice around here.

Sigh.

Personality Test for Preschoolers

2008-03-12T10:08:00.001-07:00

Good morning! Time to rise and greet the day. To help you get started, here's a little quiz to help you decide what kind of day it will turn out to be.

Mommy asks you to "get dressed and make your bed." You:
A. Comply. Mother is a wise and wondrous being who is trying to help you become a productive member of society at some point in your lifetime.
B. Ignore her. Oswald has those kickin' songs performed by Fred Savage. You don't even know who he is or that he won our hearts in The Wonder Years, but he was apparently born to be an octopus.
C. Cry. Putting on clothes and making beds is out of the realm of the reasonable. How dare she order you about like that! Punishment must be swift and without mercy.

Mom says it's time to eat breakfast. You decide to:
A. Choose a healthy and appropriate food source for your first meal of the day, such as toast, cereal or waffles, washed down with a cold glass of milk.
B. Ignore her. Despite claiming repeatedly to be hungry at bedtime the previous night, that darn Noggin is just too intoxicating to ignore. Maybe that'll teach Mommy to let you watch TV just so she can selfishly get herself into the shower.
C. Agree to eat, but only if the table fare is fruit snacks and Ritz crackers.

You still haven't gotten dressed. Mommy is about to leave for work and insists you GET DRESSED NOW. What do you do?
A. Get dressed in the clothes Mother has graciously selected for you, without complaint. You do love blue, and she remembered that. Isn't she sweet?
B. Hastily choose clothing items of your own. Last year's soccer shorts with an undershirt when it's 31 degrees outside works just fine. For kicks, insist on wearing your Curious George slippers just to watch her head explode.
C. Stand firm. Go to school wearing your pajamas. Who's going to notice? That'll learn that woman who's always telling you what to do.

If your answers are mostly A's, congratulations. You are well on your way to restored video game privileges.

If your answers are mostly B's, your apathy is showing up a little early. Too much TV perhaps? We all know Mom is to blame for that one.

If your answers are mostly C's, you may have issues with authority. Independence is nice, but it's usually best when accompanied by some earning power. Since you have none as of yet, it might be good if you helped around the house a little more.

I'm Afraid of the Night

2008-02-26T15:42:00.000-08:00

I have a new post up over on How Do You Do It? on sleep advice, and it got me thinking about sleep and how I'm not getting any lately. Here's why.

I generally start out in my own bed, with my husband, as most married couples do. I go to bed after all three of the boys are already asleep, around 11:30 p.m. Then I read for another 20 minutes or so. Then I fall asleep. And that's when it begins.

Around 2 a.m., one of the boys will scare me awake by staring at me. (Just staring. Like a serial killer. It creeps me out.) He finally climbs in on my side of the bed, where I wrap my arms around him because I don't want him to roll out and die - and I can't put him in the middle of the bed because then he'll kick daddy in the you-know-whats.

A few hours later, the second boy will come in, and may even begin throwing a fit when he sees his coveted spot next to me is already taken by another boy. (No, he can't go sleep by daddy, because of the aforementioned kicking and because daddy is not soft and cuddly like mommy, i.e. I have soft boobs). So I maneuver myself out of my own bed, from under the first sleeping boy, and take the second boy back to his room so that he and I can sleep in his tiny little twin bed.

If I'm lucky, that's where my husband wakes me up when he goes to work, so I can get back into my own bed in time to hear my alarm.

If I'm not lucky, the first boy awakes again at some point to find I'm not there and comes looking for me. I'm very popular. He finds me in bed with the second boy, again wakes me by staring, at which point I get into the first boy's bed with him, leaving the second boy asleep in his own bed.

Have you been counting? That's three beds for me so far. I'm doing more bed-hopping than a sorority girl at a liberal arts college.

Or if I'm lazy (which I would be by 4 a.m., right?), I'll just bring the first boy into bed with me and the second boy. That's one adult and two half-sized human children IN ONE TWIN BED.

I look forward to the day when, like my own 50-something mother, I will be able to survive on four hours of sleep each night. Until then, you can find me napping in my car over lunch.

And the Competition Begins

2008-02-23T13:10:00.000-08:00

J: Mommy, I love you all the way to Saturn.

N: Well, Mommy, I love you all the way to St. Louis. That's a really long way.

New Blog

2008-02-20T07:53:00.000-08:00

I am very excited to announce that I'm now a contributing writer on a new parenting blog called How Do You Do It? It's all about parenting twins (or more!).

And if you are interested, my first post is here: http://howdoyoudoit.wordpress.com/author/craftylissa/.

Please share it with your friends!

You Never Can Tell

2008-02-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

I will never let my children eat fruit snacks.

For breakfast.

Okay, they have to at least get dressed by themselves without nagging, and then I'll give them a fruit snack.

----------------------

I will never let my children watch TV before they turn two years old.

One year old.

Maybe just Baby Einstein videos. (I have to take a shower at some point!)

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I will never serve my children anything but healthy, balanced meal options, including a vegetable, a carb and a protein at each meal.

A dinner of fruit and carbs is kind of balanced, right?

I think Goldfish do have some protein....

But...

2008-01-31T14:40:00.000-08:00

It's true, I'm a girl. And maybe I don't really understand these things. But are butts really that funny? And what about the stuff that comes out of that vicinity? Is that really so funny either?

Two four-year-olds and one thirty-two-year-old think so. All three are male.

I need my own bathroom. Or maybe my own wing.

Once Upon A Time...

2008-01-28T12:00:00.000-08:00

...there was a Mommy who missed her two little boys. It was the middle of summer. The boys were home playing blissfully in the summer heat, splashing in pools and running through sprinklers. Mommy was stuck at work, doing a job she hated. So she made a bold move. She snuck out of work a little early (who would notice?) and drove home as fast as she could (within reason) to see her two little boys.

The first wrinkle of the story - the boys were not happy to see her. They wanted Mommy to go away and instead, for their wonderful babysitter Miss J to stay and play with them forever and ever. Mommy was disheartened, but she also knew their emotions were fickle and in a few minutes, they would forget all about Miss J and love Mommy again. Or so she told herself.

To get them to stop crying, Mommy suggested that they go see a movie! The movie was playing at the dollar theater (although it was really the $2 theater), and the boys agreed, and they all drove there as fast as they could (again, within reason), because the movie was going to be starting any minute. Mommy and her boys ran into the theater only to encounter the second wrinkle: a sign that read "CASH ONLY." Mommy never has cash. Never. So back to the minivan, drive to the ATM, get cash, back to the theater, again the running inside, paying the surly teenager, then a stop at the snack bar for stale popcorn and two lemonades that would not fit in the cup holders of the seats and finally they were seated.

Mommy tried not to notice the mildew smell of the theater. (It was an old theater.) And the fact that the seats felt damp. (Why was that? she tried not to think about it.)

Then came the final wrinkle. Boy #1: "Mommy, I have to go potty!" (Luckily, they were the only ones in the entire theater.) While Mommy was trying to get Boy #2 to put his shoes back on, fumbling in the dark, trying not to touch the gross floor, taking WAY too long, Boy #1 speaks up again: "Uh oh Mommy!"

Yes, Boy #1 peed all over the floor (and himself). And Mommy hadn't brought the diaper bag either, as the boys had been potty-trained for months without accidents. After trying to clean up the best one can with paper towels, Mommy graciously let Boy #1 sit on her lap (on top of a layer of paper towels) for the remainder of the movie.

And that was the last time they ever went to the dollar theater.

Cordelia's Revenge

2008-01-08T21:50:00.000-08:00

The boys are in a transitional stage. And by transitional stage, I mean that they are literally trying to drive us insane. The mood swings are worse than a 13-year old girl (and I would know). The whining is insurmountable. The fits are uncontrollable. We are nearly at our wit's end.

And then there's the full-body-go-limp, I'm-too-depressed-to-even-react wilt. That's where they melt onto the floor without even a whimper, and you are left with just their apathy as punishment.

My friend S gave me the perfect word to describe their behavior - they are mopey.

I forgot about that word - what an awesomely perfect word to describe what they are doing to us that drives us the MOST CRAZY. I can almost deal with the screaming fits, the broken-hearted-howls-when-the-Wii-is-turned-off. But the moping, good lord, it's the perfect punishment for me.

I was always certain that I would have three daughters. I'm not sure where it came from (possibly King Lear?). When we found out we were having twin boys instead, it came as a shock (of course) and as an immense relief. I was a terror for my parents, especially in the teen years, if you know what I mean (and I know you know what I mean). Boys, by contrast to girls, seem to be a lot less complicated.

So having two four-year-olds who are mopey - it's God's perfect brilliant plan. I'll be missing out on the teen girl terror years and am instead being punished NOW by apathy. Their little limp bodies, defeated on the floor - no Wii, no fruit snacks, no MORE FREAKING GOLDFISH (yes, we are harsh parents) - are my sweet little albatrosses for now.

Can I look forward to clear skies soon? Time will tell.

Christmas

2008-01-02T21:15:00.000-08:00

Christmas has come and gone. It was great. Back to work today after a week and half off. So hard to go back. So hard to write complete sentences.

True to form, the boys got sick just in time for the holidays. They spent their time alternating between manic energy and bottomless crashes. I think between the two of them, they ate two goldfish and four pistachio nuts with a glass of orange juice over a three day period.

A Christmas Story

2007-12-15T19:48:00.000-08:00

N: Mommy, how old will Baby Jesus be on his next birthday?

J: (scoffing) N, Jesus is dead! He's like a million years old!

Me: (stunned silence)

N: Oh.

J: But I think he comes back at the end of the story.

N: I think when he comes back he'll be two.

Pure Genius

2007-12-04T21:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sure I've mentioned several hundreds of times that my boys are geniuses (don't worry, I'm sure yours are too).

After all, they learned to ride their bikes without training wheels two months ago. Riding bikes. No training wheels. They're FOUR, people. (Or did I forget to say that? Maybe it was my defense mechanism kicking in - my dreams are now filled with terrible bike accidents just waiting to happen. A bike accident is the reason their father is deaf in one ear.)

But now the genius is really coming out. They can write their names. It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I'm sure you'll agree:

Yes, those are letters.

Don't scoff. It's a start.

Recap of This Week

2007-11-27T21:16:00.000-08:00

N: What are you doing, mommy?

Me: I'm putting on my moisturizer.

N: Oh. I guess I'll wait here while you put on your washer-dryer.

-----------------------

N: Hey mommy, my favorite part of that song was when he goes "Whoo-whoo-whoo."

J: Yeah, but MY favorite part of that song was the whole song.

-----------------------

Me: What did you do at school today guys?

J: Nothing.

Me: Nothing? Really? You just sat there and stared at the wall?

J: Yes. Nothing. We didn't jump in the foam pit.

N: And we didn't do anything fun. We didn't color either.

Doing the Unthinkable

2007-11-21T08:52:00.000-08:00

While watching the boys kick each other under a shared blanket this morning, each struggling to hog the whole of it for himself, I caught myself ACTUALLY SAYING THESE WORDS:

"You know, boys, Santa Claus is watching you right now to see if you're being a good brother. He only brings toys to kids who are good co-operators."

The last of my self-respect is officially gone.

Addition

2007-11-12T19:12:00.000-08:00

J: Mommy, how long do I have to go to school?

Me: Well, people normally go to school until they're about 18.

J: Oh.

Me: How old are you now?

J: 4.

Me: So how long do you still have until you're 18?

J: 44?

Perspective

2007-11-07T10:54:00.000-08:00

So, I know - I have spoken nary a word about Halloween as of yet but that's because my workplace has unceremoniously banned Flickr from our approved sites (eBay is still okay thank god). I say unceremoniously because no one informed me until I noticed all of my blog photos were broken links and I panicked and thought the internet was broken and hyperventilated a bit because, really, what else would I do with my time? Then I figured it out and just became sad because now I have to do my personal photo sharing on MY OWN TIME and that's really just not fair.

So Halloween was great, yadda yadda yadda, I'll have photos later. In the meantime....

We wanted to go out for lunch on Saturday and, being of course forced to take our children with us, we attempted to convince them to ALLOW US TO GO TO A DIFFERENT RESTAURANT. We normally take them only to one of three places: Mimi's Cafe, Steak 'N Shake, or Quiznos. At each of these fine eating establishments, the boys only eat bread or pancakes, so I don't see why they care so much. Plus the wait staff now sees our family as REGULARS (two boys who look alike and eat only bread kind of stand out), and I prefer to remain anonymous, like all the other miserable parents that are forced into eating where their children demand (and make huge messes).

Since the boys love bread so much, we talked them into going to On the Border. I use the term "talked them into going" loosely because we asked them to expand their horizons, they vehemently disagreed, so we told them we were going anyway. Plus there are chips there and tortillas and lemonade - all of which fall into the approved food list for my children - so I figured they would eventually be won over.

As we walked (dragging children) into the restaurant (with only one time-out stop), we passed a happy couple with their baby in an infant carrier blissfully (and quietly) leaving the restaurant. I wanted to shout at them, "DID YOU ENJOY YOUR TIME EATING OUT?! IT'S ALL ABOUT TO END IN A FEW SHORT MONTHS!" but I thought they might think I was crazy. Plus we already looked like people to avoid, what with a boy under each arm, holding them up by shoes and the back of a jacket, respectively.

The boys did eventually eat tortillas and chips and lemonade and a decent time was had by all. Our next adventure: trying to get in and out of Best Buy without having to purchase a video game. Wish me luck.

So Very Tired

2007-10-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

I returned from LAS VEGAS last night at MIDNIGHT. In LAS VEGAS everything is VERY LOUD and VERY FLASHY. Also VERY SMOKEY. And VERY MUCH FULL of CRAZY PEOPLE. There were also so many parents dragging their infants, toddlers and other small-sized children through the CASINOS that it was SICKENING. (My adorable husband was appalled when I told him this - his shock that they didn't ID anyone was so cute. What he doesn't understand is that the gambling IS EVERYWHERE. I don't have anything against gambling, just the chain-smoking. That's not good for kids, in case you didn't know.)

I wasn't in LAS VEGAS by choice per se, unless by choice I mean that I like having a paycheck, which I do. I was there less than 36 hours, and I am emphatic when I say that I NEVER WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN. (I'm sure the city itself is lovely, where the real people live. I'm talking only about the Strip.) It's just that all of my possessions reek of cigarettes. I did have an incredible meal at SeaBlue, which accomplishes my goal for the trip (to finally have one decent meal while traveling). The MGM Grand, where we were having the convention, was beautiful (except for the smoking, smoking, smoking everywhere). So I guess I really just didn't like the smokey atmosphere. My eyes and lungs burned (maybe it didn't help that I'm still recovering from a cold). Or maybe I'm just a big baby.

Conversations

2007-10-04T08:19:00.001-07:00

J: Daddy?

D: Yes?

J: When you're driving, don't run into the other cars.

D: Got it. Thanks.

-----------------------------------

N: Mommy, what is that monkey's name?

M: Uh, I'm not sure. I don't think he has a name.

N: Maybe his name is George Washington.

----------------------------------

J: Oops, excuse me.

M: What?

J: Well, I farted. But just a little bubble popped out.

Bagging It

2007-10-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

One of our fabulous babysitters, A, is getting married in less than two weeks. The boys have been very interested in this development as they will be ring-bearers in the wedding. No flower girls - just two boys who will hopefully walk down the aisle without dissolving under the stares of a thousand eyes.

A has told the boys that her last name will be changing. N has been especially interested in this, asking what Miss J's name will be changing to (A & J are sisters). What about Miss A moving out? Where will Miss J live? Won't her mommy and daddy miss her?

A has explained to N that it's okay, she will still see her mommy and daddy and Miss J will still live with them.

What about Miss A's toys?

A has explained she will take some things with her and other things will be new for their new home.

N thought a long time about that one. Finally he told her, "When I get married, I'll just pack my toys in my backpack and take them with me."

There Are Limits

2007-09-24T13:34:00.000-07:00

J has a crusty, yucky ear.

It's one of the side effects of having tubes put in that they don't really warn you about. That all that yucky gunky stuff that gives your child an ear infection will now drain out of their head just like a runny nose with a massive sinus infection. It is the exact consistency of snot. And his ear is, of course, SORE AND HURTING, because it's like having an inside-out ear infection. So J does not want us to clean his disgusting ear (to put it mildly), even when the entire side of his head and neck are covered in, essentially, snot.

The boys and I had lunch with my father yesterday, who had graciously spent the previous night with the boys so hubby and I could have a night away in a hotel for my birthday. (That sounds very exciting, but we actually each slept in our own queen-sized beds, blissfully taking up as much space we wanted without any boys kicking us or crawling over us or taking our pillows. It was the perfect birthday present.)

At lunch, Grandpa was trying surreptitiously to clean J's dripping (yes, dripping) ear. J was not happy. I reminded J that we needed to clean his ear and put ear drops in when we got home (looking back on it, not sure why I brought it up at all - was I trying to prepare him for his upcoming torture?). Grandpa, in his usual way, then tried to diffuse the situation with humor by suggesting various items that should go into J's ear instead of medicine and a cotton ball. All three boys got into it, suggesting bananas, elbows, toes, even the obligatory BUTT IN THE EAR and FARTING and POOPING that N and J would of course have to suggest.

But they drew the line when Grandpa suggested putting his cheese sandwich in J's ear: "Grandpa, that's disgusting."

Not Sure How To Say This

2007-09-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been woken up at 3am and asked to function as a normal human being? Some of you will know what I mean because you are living that life right now, with babies and feeding and diapers. But my guys are four-years old. I am out of practice.

Which is why I found myself driving to work the other morning, suddenly remembering my 3am actions of the early morning, crashing down on me in a thrust of clarity.

J woke up at 3am (precisely - I remember looking at my clock as in WHAT THE HELL DAMN TIME IS IT????!!!). He, for some reason, had turned on the bathroom light which came shining down on my face like the eyes of God. The fact that we have a night light in there to help guide small and big boys alike who need to go pee in the dark didn't help him, apparently. So I got up to make sure he was okay. He was not okay. He had gone potty, but, in the process, had ripped his pull-up. Those pull-ups are supposed to go back together with some kind of fake velcro-thing, so I worked on that for a few minutes. It would not cooperate. And J was not in agreement with my plan - to just get another freaking pull-up already so we can go back to sleep. He wanted me to fix it, and fix it now, before the screaming commenced.

Did I mention it was 3am?

So I stumbled to the kitchen, got the blue painter's tape which we keep on hand for securing down Hot Wheels tracks, and I TAPED HIS PULL-UP BACK TOGETHER.

I'm sure that any parenting book worth its salt (what does that phrase mean anyway?) would have had a thing or two to say about my actions - something along the lines of being in control of your children instead of letting the threat of their screaming manipulate you into doing their bidding, even at 3am.

But now, as the mother of TWO FOUR-YEAR-OLDS, I subscribe to a different style of parenting - the MacGyver school. Our motto: you make do - and you do it fast.

We Survived!

2007-09-07T08:38:00.001-07:00

The boys were pretty much okay when we left them at school on Wednesday morning for their first day of preschool. N was enthusiastic about waving us out of there while J was more reluctant. Luckily the teacher, Miss K, had a cool collection of cars and a track that needed building. If they know anything, my guys know how to put together a track.

The night before, I had prepared them for the photo-taking opportunities I was going to be requesting of them in the morning. I told them how important it was for me to get a picture of them on their first day of school every year, so we would have it for their scrapbook. Imagine my surprise when they not only LET ME take a photo of them but they ACTUALLY SMILED. It's a rare thing.

So school is a success. They enjoy it, and I really didn't even cry or anything. (Okay, well, maybe a little...)

Potty Talk

2007-08-31T07:03:00.001-07:00

(I have officially counted - and I have used the word "potty" in my post titles more than any other parent blogger out there. Maybe it's time to find a new word for potty.)

It's hard to be the only girl in a house of boys. I believe I've said this only a MILLION times in the last year (it really only became hard once we started the potty-training), but that's only because it's so true. My husband has even argued with me that because I am truly overruled in all aspects, you know, being the only girl, why should they even bother putting the seat down anymore? (My argument that this is what civilized people do doesn't hold much sway.)

So I hold my tongue mostly when the talk turns to farting and burping and pooping and peeing. Mostly. I know that if I make a big deal out it, I only draw attention to the talk as a way to get me riled up. And those are the only kinds of things that DO DRAW THEIR ATTENTION like an arrow, adding to their mental list of ways to drive mommy crazy.

As we drove to a friend's house the other night (another mommy with twin boys and a husband, god help her - we obviously have many things on which to commiserate), the boys noticed a bug on the window.

I told them, like an IDIOT, that it was not a bug, it was bird poop.

And the potty talk commenced.

They had never seen anything as amazing and delightful as that bird poop. It's white! And green! And brown! Wow! No, wait, it's not bird poop! It's boy poop! No, it's dog poop! No, it's man poop! (????) Laughing like hyenas and cheering each other on to think of ever more disgusting ways to describe the poop, they went on like this for awhile. Finally, I had had enough: "No more talking about poop!"

I was not surprised when this did nothing to stop them. I tried again: "I mean it, no more talking about poop. Please."

The "please" did it. They both got silent for a moment. N spoke up, "Okay, mommy, we won't talk about poop anymore."

"Thank you."

"How about we talk about butts instead?"

God Help Me

2007-08-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

Preschool orientation is tomorrow.

Two dilemmas I'm facing right now:
1. My babies are old enough to go to preschool! I'm freaking out! My babies are growing up! My babies are learning things! My babies know that C-A-N-D-Y spells CANDY and that P-A-R-K spells PARK and how will my husband and I ever communicate again once they understand W-O-R-D-Ses?!

2. Preschool orientation is at 10 o'clock in the morning. On a week day. You know, at a really convenient time for people who are, uh, working.

I'm going to be there no matter what, so it's really not a problem. It's more the principle of the matter. I already anticipate many other week day conflicts that will make me feel ever more guilty over working a day job.

I have been trying to cajole the boys into going school shopping. Each time I suggest we go to the store to shop for their backpacks (and their LONG list of school supplies), I am met with heavy resistance. As in screams of protest. The geeky girl living inside me is so very confused by this noise. (Who doesn't want to get new pencils?! New Trapper Keeper folders?! Are they crazy?) But then I have to remind that geeky girl to keep her Trapper Keeper shut - my boys are only babies after all.

And boys are not as impressed by shiny pink Lisa Frank pencils.

Summer Lovin'

2007-08-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

We have had a great August. I took the first two weeks off work - the longest stretch of time I've taken off from work since maternity leave. (There's something wrong with that, people. Let me tell you how great life was when I wasn't working - it was freaking incredible. I want it all the time. I can't believe how dead my mind is dealing with the corporate world. I'm not bored, just numb with disbelief. Is this why I went to school? To sit in meetings all day? I think I'm going to make sure my children are independently wealthy so they don't have to suffer like this.)

So August. Yes. It has been great. We took a trip to Los Angeles to visit Grandma Neen and had a blasty-blast. Beach, LegoLand, beach, beach, aquarium, more beach. Did I mention we were at the beach? I was finally in southern California during a time when it was hot enough to be at the beach. Darling husband doesn't like crowds, so every other time we've gone out there, it's been cold. His reasoning is that the weather will make all the people go away. I've never noticed a difference in the amount of people out there when we've visited, but I have noticed a difference in the amount of enjoyment one gets from a family vacation when it isn't raining continually or cold.

Birthday Wishes

2007-07-25T07:57:00.001-07:00

The boys woke me up this morning with an outraged cry: "I looked out at the table and there are no decorations for my birthday!"

They know it's their "real" birthday today but it took some serious cajoling to get them to stop freaking out that today was not the day of their party. I guess that means they are truly growing up - they now understand the flow of the space-time continuum.

Four years ago today, I was in a hospital, desperately worried about the health and safety of my two unborn babies. It was seven weeks too early for them to come out, but my body had had enough. High blood pressure, crazy scary swelling, pre-eclampysia, and fifty pounds enough. My water broke after a week in the hospital of trying to hang on just a little longer, just one more day. I was scared but not alone. Hubby was there to hold my hand. He watched the whole surgery - apparently quite an amazing ordeal to see two human beings emerge from my body. Even when he told me he was able to see all my organs and all my "fat". Gee, thanks.

I am forever grateful for the care I and my babies received from the nurses and doctors. They did amazing work and never once made me feel like an idiot or a wimp. Not even when I was sobbing and trying to hold my body still as they put in the spinal block. The nurse told me I was doing a great job, which I knew was a blatant lie to make me feel better and I told her so. Then I was numb and being tugged around - and then my babies were there, crying, being cleaned and weighed and wrapped up like snug bugs. The sight of those two boys, right there, finally able to see their perfect features and smell their little perfect heads - I'll never forget it.

And it's nice to always have a trump card in any fight with your spouse: "Oh yeah? Well, just remember, I had your two children wrenched from my body!"

A Dark, Dark Lesson

2007-07-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

This summer, the boys are doing the summer reading program from our local library. They have been devouring books at a rapid pace, mostly due to the fact that the grown-ups in their lives are ones who are doing the actual reading.

I am continually amazed at how fast they "memorize" their favorites. One such favorite, In a Dark, Dark Wood, has become part of the family lexicon where we make up stories to fit the pattern based on where we are at the time. The story goes like this: "In a dark, dark wood, there was a dark, dark house. And in that dark, dark house, there was a dark, dark room." Etc., etc. You get the idea. As do the boys.

This morning, I was treated to a lovely original version by N:

"In a dark, dark house, there was a dark, dark pumpkin.

And that dark, dark pumpkin was in a dark, dark room.

And that dark, dark pumpkin was going POOPA!"

One thing I've learned as the only girl in the house: potty-humor is king.

Random Quotes

2007-07-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

Me: How in the world did you get a bug bite on your butt?

N: Because the bug found a spot there and thought, this would be a good place to eat!

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Me: Should we go in and find my husband?

J: He's not your husband! He's your darling!

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Daddy: Did you get to see the lions at the zoo?

Me: No, we didn't get all the way back there today.

N: Yes we did! We saw lions! .... (a questioning silence ensues) .... We saw sea lions!

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Me: (Reading a freaking long Curious George book out loud before bed) ....

N: Pause!

Me: (Stunned silence)

N: Pause Mommy! I have to go potty!

Me: Pause?! I'm not the DVR!

Lying to Your Children

2007-07-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure when it started, but I am now officially lying to my children. What makes me feel better is that apparently EVERYONE does this but NO ONE talks about it.

A few examples:

"No, we can't play video games tonight because Daddy isn't here. Only Daddy knows how to work the video games."

"Oh, no, Mommy is so sorry that she can't give you any candy for dessert. Daddy ate all the candy last night."

"Um, yeah, you can't pee in the basement when Mommy is home. You can only pee in the basement when Daddy is here. It makes Mommy uncomfortable." (And just to clarify, they're not actually peeing on the cement floor - we have a sump pump.)

Hmmm...I'm noticing a trend. All of my lies relate to my dear husband. Also, it's really annoying to refer to yourself in the third person. I'll have to work on that.

Ready to Crack

2007-07-03T13:45:00.001-07:00

The boys are cracking each other up these days.

The other night they pulled a complete meltdown in the kitchen after I brought them inside for their bath. Really, if you've never heard two nearly four-year old boys screaming at the top of their lungs while they kick and pound the floor, you should try it. It puts things into perspective. Like that enormous glass of wine on the counter. That enormous glass of wine can look pretty small in comparison. But I digress.

They're kicking and screaming and (fake) crying about not wanting to take a bath and I'm doing my best I'm-ignoring-your-antics-just-like-they-say-to-do-in-the-parenting-books impersonation. And then they just look at each and start laughing HYSTERICALLY. As if to say, you seriously look like a moron, carrying on the way you are. And then they go back to screaming and kicking and flailing again, as if remembering what their original mission was. And then back to laughing. And then to screaming. And I have to somehow keep a straight face.

I had to leave the room finally.

Everybody's Got a Hungry Heart

2007-06-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

In our home, we're a pretty emotionally-attached bunch. I'm sure we're not alone in this, but we are very open with our affections, both me and the hubby and us with the boys. The boys are therefore very comfortable with hugging and yes, even kissing their friends goodbye. (This was quite something for their friends to get to used to at first.) I'm sure there will come a time when we'll have to curb this activity, but for now, I'm not worried about it.

One of the phrases we are found of sharing with the boys is, "I love you with my whole heart!" (Daddy started it, believe it or not.) They love reiterating this back to us in various forms:

No, I love you with MY whole heart.

And I love you with my ENTIRE heart.

My whole heart is hungry.

Mommy, my heart is hungry for fruit snacks.

Mommy, did you hear me? Let me shout this one out, just to be sure. I SAID MY HEART IS HUNGRY FOR FRUIT SNACKS.

No, my heart is not hungry for a banana.

My heart is sad because you won't give me fruit snacks.

Regression Therapy

2007-06-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

Since returning from my mom's house after a week's vacation there last week (and a gloriously quiet yet sadly empty house for me), the boys have been watching nothing but Baby Einstein DVDs. Apparently their two-year old cousin E loves them and convinced our boys to watch them while at my mom's house.

I had ours (all 15 of them) all packed up from their baby days (and don't give me crap about toddlers watching TV - I HAD TO TAKE A SHOWER AT SOME POINT). So upon their return from my mom's and their insistence on watching Baby Einstein, I had to dig out the entire collection. For the last four days, they've watched nothing but Baby Einstein. No Wow! Wow! Wubzy!, no Monster Jam, no I Spy. It's crazy. I can't believe those movies keep two nearly-four-year-old boys happy and entertained, albeit in twenty minute intervals.

Before each movie begins, Julie Aigner-Clark, founder of Baby Einstein, tells the parents about the company and then announces, "Enjoy the show!"

J has added his own two cents. Each time he hears that line, he shouts back, "I will!"

Long Time, No Post

2007-06-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

We've been crazy busy! Just like everyone else, of course.

T-ball started last night. Dad is our coach and it was hilarious to watch the boys call him Coach.

This morning, N asked me, "Mom, can you do me a favor? Can you hold this CD so we can play it when Miss J gets here?"

I swear, he actually asked me do to him a favor. And of course I did it. I'd do anything for someone so sweet.

The boys have kind of started fighting with each other. Just occasionally. Last night, N wanted J to sleep in his bed but J refused. Of course, we couldn't make J sleep with N but my heart just broke to see N so sad that his brother rejected him. Ugh. But then just five minutes earlier, they were laughing hysterically at the other's silly antics. Just boys, I guess.

At Least They're Polite

2007-05-11T14:30:00.000-07:00

J: Mommy! N bonked my head!

N: No J! You bonked my head first, then I bonked your head!

J: Oh! Mommy! I bonked N's head! Then he bonked my head!

N: I'm sorry I bonked your head J!

J: That's okay! I'm sorry I bonked your head first!

(And I'm sorry about all the exclamation points! But that's the way they talk! It's very loud! Yet very enthusiastic! And polite!)

How to Brush Your Teeth (As My Three-Year Old Twins Interpret It)

2007-05-02T14:48:00.000-07:00

Step 1: Ask Mommy for your toothbrush. No, not that one. The other one. The OTHER other one. The one with the car on it. Not that car. The red car. Why do you have so many toothbrushes anyway?

Step 2: Put toothpaste on the brush. DO NOT get the toothbrush wet first. If the toothbrush gets wet before the toothpaste is placed on the bristles, this game is over. We mean it. Seriously.

Okay, back to the toothpaste. You want the blue toothpaste. The sparkly one. What does she mean, the blue sparkle toothpaste is all gone and has been for three months? What about last night? This crazy lady has no idea what she's talking about. But you are dying for some toothpaste (it does taste almost like candy), so settling for the plain blue toothpaste at this point is an acceptable compromise. Give her a little bit of whining to make sure she knows you are annoyed.

Insist on squeezing the toothpaste by yourself. Never mind what happened last night. She won't remember. Oh she does remember. Nope, she's not going to let you squeeze the toothpaste. Fine. Whatever. Don't let it get you down. Keep the end goal in mind: sweet, sweet toothpaste in your mouth. It's coming. And soon.

Step 3: NOW you can get the toothbrush wet, once the toothpaste is safely in place on the bristles. Oh wait. Crap. The powerful surge of water has washed all the toothpaste off your brush. Go back to Step 2. And insist on the blue sparkle toothpaste this time. You have to mean business with this lady or it will never get through to her.

Step 3: Again. But first turn the water back up. She turned it down when you weren't looking. The proper water pressure is essential when brushing your teeth, especially since you have not yet grasped the concept of rinsing your brush and going back for another round of brushing, like any normal human being. She just will NOT let you leave that water turned all the way up, huh? Who knows why. Mothers are inscrutable in their ways. Just move on.

Step 4: Brush tooth. Just the one in the front. Ignore all the others. They're fine. Now spit. Or drool. Whatever works. Now she wants to look in your mouth and see if you got the back teeth. Refuse to relinquish grip on toothbrush and work actively against her and her rude invasion into your mouth. Do not laugh at her joke of "saving the Goldfish for later." You don't get it - and also you cannot encourage her, even a little.

Step 5: A crucial but often forgotten step. Do not rinse out your toothbrush. Just tap it repeatedly on the side of the sink. The fact that it's full of toothpaste as you put it back in the toothbrush holder will serve as a distraction to the lady (causing her to gag with disgust and quickly work to clean it) as you work on Step 6.

Step 6: Rinse. Using the cup on the sink, turn water on full blast when she's distracted (we TOLD you) and get a big cup full of water. Despite having the functional ability to drink from a cup at all other occasions, this is a great time to spill the water all over yourself. This works especially well if you are already wearing your jammies as you will now have to put on dry jammies. Whatever water does get into your mouth, drink it. DO NOT spit it out. We're not sure why spitting out this water is suggested as the most important part of the "rinsing," but swallowing it will cause the desired effect: ejection from the bathroom. She's had enough.

Now it's time to send in your twin brother for Round Two.

**Adventures of a Twin Mommy**