Saturday, October 28, 2006

Absence Makes the Heart...

I haven't posted for awhile because, well, the boys were in the HOSPITAL!!!!!!!! I can barely write that without freaking out except that I'm kind of used to it by now. True, the last time they were in the hospital was two years ago and then two years ago before that (you know, when they were born). So it's been awhile and maybe we were due for a little hospital time. But man, the guilt guilt guilt that just eats away at me because they were born premature. Everyday I think about what I could have done differently maybe to have kept them inside my body for a week or two longer instead of coming out seven weeks too soon but then I think about the fact that my legs were swollen from hip to toe like enormous water-filled balloon and I realize that I probably couldn't have done anything different. I did have nearly nine pounds of children inside me when I still had two months to go. And yes, I had gained 50 (yes FIFTY) freaking pounds by then. So I guess maybe, after three years, I could cut myself a little bit of slack. Looking at J&N, you would never have any idea that they are asthma kids - they are big robust energetic boys. Too energetic for me right now as they have given me their stupid colds which aggravated their asthma in the first place. They are napping right now while I type away at this, knowing that I should take a nap while I can but I don't because I like to torture myself. Sigh. Okay, I'm done with the pity party - I think I'm going to sneak off to shop so that B can deal with them when they wake up. Yay for Mom!

1 comment:

Devra said...

There isn't anything you could have controlled any more than you can control whether or not you breathe. You can hold your breath for only so long and then your body is going to do what it is gonna do. Same thing with pregnancy. Particularly multiples, the body just does what it does. But man, it can be frustrating and yes, it can also max out your Guilt-O-Meter.

I hope you got to go shopping. Sometimes Retail Therapy is the best therapy!